.::Constant Reminder::.
I am so bored today....although I shouldn't be because it's Thanksgiving Break tomorrow!! (No school for 3 days (not including the weekends). I hope that I would get a chance to be with Alex and spend some time bonding...or at least....'dating' ((dating means being together, right??? So talking on the phone or on the computer should be like dating....even though I can't even touch him <.< )).
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I never thought as the years go by, I would lose some of my love for Alex because of the fact that I couldn't bond with him everyday, and I couldn't even date him face to face. I need to remind myself that I love him...every now and then. It is a drag because I, myself, need to convince myself that I love someone just when I start to lose the love slowly. Hopefully, I will be with him after 2 years of torture.
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I know that this isn't normal, because if I want to leave him I should be able to just leave him without thinking about him. But I still do. So it has to be an effect caused by my childhood. I was all alone when my 'parents' left me with my grand parents. I was lied to about who is my mom and my dad. Then I found out like at the age of ten. It was a dramatic turning point for me. Everytime I wake up from a horrible nightmare, I would cry to my pillow, not my grand parents, because they have lied of who are my real parents. Plus, they wouldn't understand what I was going through.
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From that point on, I am able to lose love for anyone who left and hardly ever contact me. I see my friends everyday and my family everyday....but..I never get to see my boyfriend everyday, because he is in California. I couldn't blame him....he is busy, and he is in college. I can't expect him to have time for me every single day. But I wished he was able to, like the summer before I start high school as a Freshman (aka the first time we've met). It was in the summer break that I was able to talk to him nonstop!! He doesn't have any homework, and after finish doing his chores, I can always talk to him and have like +3 hours of conversation with him everyday! It was wondeful and I was very happy. I felt that I'm not alone and I know now, that I can't leave someone that special just because of a childhood side-effect!
posted by Luna @ 4:29 AM
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