+Halloween+
I love Halloween. =( ^ x ^ )= You get free candy, the right to frighten people, and the joy of dressing up as something you possibly always wished to be. Here is my costume:- My headress- lolita maid headress and w/ black cat ears
- My dress- lolita maid dress w/ apron that has bells on it to give a lovely tune as I walk
- Socks- long and black w/ a white ribbon on the top
- Shoes- black
Basically, I am going out as a Black Cat Maid! X3 Once my friends take pictures of me, I will send them to my boyfriend, and, hopefully, be able to put it up in my blog! X3
Halloween is on a Monday this year, and the principal of my high school forbids anyone from wearing costumes at school grounds. Although that doesn't matter to me, I just want my teachers to avoid giving me homework on a holiday. So what if it's a kid thing??! I don't want any homework that will ruin my holiday!!! I want to walk around with my friends in my costume. I didn't pay so much for my costume just so I can do my homework all night because of my baka (stupid in Japanese) teachers.
So my boyfriend will be watching a scary Asian movie while I got out trick or treating. I guess I am still childish, and he is tired of candy or walking around house to house. Either way, I can't give up the fact that I love dressing up in lolita stuff. It's pretty and elegant, but you can just wear it normally. So this is the time when I can wear it, and get free candy!!
*Happy Halloween*
A Whole New Beginning
I have been having problems with Physics ((well...you can't blame me...the only thing I like about science is Biology <.< )). But my boyfriend assured me that I would do well and fulfill the dream of going to UCR (University of California Riverside) with him. Of course, my teacher slowly taught the class about forces and pressure. I start to get the hang of it, and I was quite happy to know that so far, I have a 92% ("Oh yeah sure!! Why are you so worried when you have -A in the class??!" <.<) I am just worried that it will become a B and once I fail the next test, it will become a C ((and I H.A.T.E. getting a 'C'!!)). So I am quite worried because I need to have a B average in order to be accepted to UCR. *~*~*
I know, I know; you might be thinking that I ONLY wanted to go to that college is because my boyfriend is there. Well, that is true but I have other reasons why I wanted to go there:
I have a boyfriend going there who can help me on my homework and get through things
I know I won't have to be all by myself
I can date (finally!)
California is so freakin' cool! X3
It will be a new start of a new life where I am able get more friends
I can live away from my annoying cousins, and I don't have to do so many chores because of the mess they make
I will get to explore California ^ x ^
I hope that I will pass, and get accepted to UCR and be with my boyfriend.
.:.Moments with Love.:.
It has been bothersome knowing that you have no clue what your boyfriend or girlfriend is doing right now....it makes my heart feels empty---I don't know if his feelings are still the same or he is starting to lose trust. *~*~*
It's not like I doubt his love....it's just the fact that we're not together and how much time and distnace separates us. Soon, we might end up drifting away from each other....we only have memories to hold during the time we aren't together. I don't have a clue if my boyfriend is doing okay and whether he still loves me as he did before. We're not near each other, therefore, I am unable to make sure that he is happy. I don't doubt his love for me; it is the bond that is holding us together I am doubting.
*~*~*
My hope is to know that my boyfriend still loves me. My dream is that we will be together soon. My faith will live as I dream about being together with him.
.::*'Evil vs. Good'*::.
For time to time, I have recently realized that you don't have to kill someone to be evil or cold-hearted or save someone to be pure and good.You can evil, or selfish, if you choose to manipulate people to benefit you. I want to be with Alex, but I shouldn't threatened to leave him in order to get what I want. Or course, it's not an evil thing, just selfishness and lack of compassion for when the person is too busy. But I never threatened to leave my boyfriend just because he always seems to be busy. I just kinda pout a little and kinda call him "jerk". =( ^ x ^ ;; )=But I guess I'm trying to say that not always you are being nice and pure. But it is best to do the good---even if it kills you <.<
*End*
.:.::*Changing*::.:.
I think this will make relationships better if both partners were to change their attittudes or way of thinking. I mean, I love Alex, and I should be able to do whatever it takes to make our relationship work, right?? Well, I don't need to change that much----*~*~*
I realized that every breakup are usually caused by misunderstandings. For example, one time, my boyfriend would tease me like "A girl is supposed to know how to cook and stuff". The thing is that I wanted to know how to cook, but I don't have parents, just grand parents. My grand parents let me watch them cook, but not trying it out for myself. My boyfriend knows how to cook, sew, and clean ((which I must envy!)) And you can't blame me. I got upset knowing that it was like he was picking on my faults. But it wasn't true. Alex was teasing; he never meant it all. Of course, I will still try to change that.
*~*~*
You have to discover the reason behind of problems that you and your special someone's argurments. Of course, it is healthy to aruge sometimes, but constantly is something to fix before it gets anymore out of hand. But I'm not worried about my relationship because I will ALWAYS come back to him. There is no doubt in my mind that I love him. He is everything to me, and I know that if he is truely everything, I will love him unconditionally. <3
*End*
.::*~-+Thinking+-~*::.
Things aren't as loving as I hoped it would. I deserve it because of what I said. But it never mean anything. I was mad that there is less contact from you.....but that isn't right---you're in college, and I am just a whiny high school girl. I should have been perspective as I have in the last months or so.*~*~*
I remembered when nothing was in our way (we were in Summer Vacation) and I was stressed out about high school which I will start as a Freshman. I talked to you, and for a moment, I think I forgotten about high school. Surely, you must feel the same way--I thought--knowing that it was just a burst of admiration, I hoped that you feel the same way and, at least, be there so I can speak to you again. And you did (Thank goodness!).*~*~*
I didn't forget all those days or what seemed a few mintues of talking (it was for hours in reality!). You seemed content and very happy to see me (always). I wondered if you felt a spark as I had. Then on that Independence Day (after waiting for your return from the fireworks) I realized how much effort I put into having a chance to talk to you. "Am I----in LOVE with him???" I wondered. And it was true. By the time you came back, I couldn't wait for another day to tell you ((I guess I was very impatient)).
*~*~*
But I was very cautious. Will he love me back?--I thought---Will he know how much I feel and return that same feeling back to me?? And as if I gotten psychic powers, I , somehow, felt that "Yes! You do feel the same way, and you won't reject my feelings for you". And so, I told you....I admit having a crush on you on Independence Day. I felt fireworks (spiritually) and sweat as I hoped that my sudden burst of confidence isn't correct. You were speechless....but then...
*~*~*
"You're the only person who gotten close to me........" I remembered---it was nothing special, but it was to me. I felt that you were trying to say that you have a crush on me, too. And it ended. We are together--no longer crushes or secret admirers, just a couple at their sprout of Heaven. I didn't care what you did that should make everyone else at their great awe. You are my true love, my Hope and Dreams, my man. No one is perfect. But you are perfect; I have the ability to love you for whatever you throw at me. I didn't care what you did or say. I couldn't help but feel the tenderness of love as I see your face. I hoped that you feel the same way for me.
---To Alexander
My only happiness that Heaven envies to give to angels.
***The Enchanting Kiss***
The lips are so lazy....
it only holds the love
within an ehcanting kiss
and nothing more.
A heart holds many... it holds memories....
love... pain...emotions..
But the lips only hold the love
within a kiss.
So lazy.....
nothing else it would hold...
Only the kisses' love can be hold by it.
Even though that maybe be true...
the only thing I can hold is you.
In honor of all boyfriends who are honest and truthful towards the ones they love most, thank you. (to Alex)
.::To My Boyfriend From Me::.
The Roses have bloom.
Why is that?
From the Sun and Air
Tis Love that they share.
Remember the Sun shining.
Remember the day we met.
Something happened...
that we can't control.
I don't regret to gaze upon your eyes.
What makes us together forever
is the Love that travels between our Hearts.
It makes me yearn to see you once more.
Forget the pain.
Forget the lies.
Forget the challenges before us.
With you, nothing can make me happier.
.::Haven't been here for a long time::.
*~*~*
Okay,*First, I like to thank for you (one person or so) for commenting on my blog ^^.*Second, a confession:*~*~*
All this dark and depressing stuff happens when I'm all upset or stressed out. In real life, I'm not those paint their nails black, wear black clothing, or cut themselves kind of people. I guess you can just call me an emotional teenager who is making such a big deal over her life when it should be loved and praised.*~*~*
I keep forgeting that not everyone has a home or family to go to. I should be lucky. But instead, I am complaining to my hearts content. But now, I need to change and just try to cope with everything around me.*~*~*
*My 'new' life would to go to California. And go to college (to UCR) with my boyfriend. And after that, I should be able to go to Japan and start a family from there. <>*~*~*
Right now, I'm a junior in Duluth High. I fear for a break up between my boyfriend and me, and I have no bonds with my so called "family". Therefore, a break up is something like loosing the only family you have. ((Good luck to me)).
Well, that's all I have to say----maybe I will try to be more optismistic----*sneeze* But I must get rid of this cold first. Bye.
